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Anderson Cooper: Stop the Tweens Before it's Too Late
Aired June 2, 2003 - 20:57 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: Final thought tonight. Have you seen the new cover of "Vanity Fair"? It hasn't hit the stands yet but we got the picture for you. It's comprised of Hollywood teens, or tweens, which I thought was a Hostess snack cake but is actually just the desirable demographic du jour. Tweens are similar to a snack cake in that they're both made with a healthy dose of chemicals and sticky sweet goo.
Seems to me a tween invasion of sorts is happening. Now the Bobbsey Twins and the Hardy Boys were one thing. But today's mega- munchkins aren't content just to dance or solve mysteries down at the abandoned mill. I of course blame the Olson twins who conspired years, earning billions by dancing and solving mysteries.
Now the Olsons are joined by their unholy spawn, Raven and Hillary Duff and other tween queens. They all want to be mini Martha Stewarts. They sing, they dance, they act, they write, design clothes, they make perfume, all before they're old enough to be washed up on behind the music.
Now the that FCC loosened restrictions on media companies, maybe they can finally focus on the growing tween threat. What can the FCC do, you ask? They can tighten tween restrictions. For instance, any tween who sells decals and has adventures in Rome should be allowed to solve no more than 45 percent of any one spooky mystery in the same fiscal year.
Sure the tweeny superstars might not like it, but, hey, tweenies aren't allowed to vote anyway. Not yet.
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