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ANDERSON COOPER 360 DEGREES

It Helps to Laugh

Aired November 17, 2006 - 22:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
ANNOUNCER: Three comedy legends.

ROBIN WILLIAMS, COMEDIAN: There have been so many hurricanes over the last few years, now they're into the Hebrew alphabet.

WHOOPI GOLDBERG, COMEDIAN: We find out the FEMA trailers are rotting.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: You know?

BILLY CRYSTAL, COMEDIAN: Hey, Bacchus is getting pissed.

(LAUGHTER)

ANNOUNCER: One big night, Comic Relief 2006, for the victims of hurricane -- the mission, help rebuild the shattered Gulf Coast, for, where there's laughter, there's hope.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

ANNOUNCER: Across the country and around the world, this is a special edition of ANDERSON COOPER 360: "It Helps to Laugh."

From Las Vegas, here's Anderson Cooper.

COOPER: Welcome to the special edition of 360. We're coming to you tonight from Las Vegas, from the Coliseum at Caesar's Palace, for a very special event.

I'm joined by Robin Williams and Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg for Comic Relief 2006.

Thanks for -- thanks for doing this, guy.

CRYSTAL: Oh, thanks for coming.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

COOPER: So, this is all for Katrina relief.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

COOPER: Do you think New Orleans has been forgotten? Do you think the Gulf Coast has been forgotten?

GOLDBERG: I don't -- I don't think it's been forgotten.

I think people's -- people's immediacy has changed. You know, it happens. We saw it happen with the homeless. You know, we -- we got folks paying attention. And, then, folks felt like they did what they could do, and then they went back to their lives.

But I think no one can actually get away from this, because, each time we think it's settled, you know, we find out the FEMA trailers are rotting.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: You know?

COOPER: Don't get me started on the FEMA trailers.

GOLDBERG: Oh, I...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS (singing): Got my FEMA trailer waiting.

CRYSTAL: Mmm-hmm.

GOLDBERG: It is crazy.

WILLIAMS (singing): Floating all away.

GOLDBERG: Floating away? If there was something left. I mean...

CRYSTAL: Yes.

GOLDBERG: I mean, you would go to -- they look -- it's like gingerbread.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: I was there last week. And it feels forgotten. Areas feel forgotten.

There are certain places of New Orleans that are open for business. And that's great. The Quarter is still great. And restaurants are great. But then...

WILLIAMS: That's high ground.

CRYSTAL: Yes.

Then, you get out to the Lower Ninth and Holy Cross...

GOLDBERG: Yes. Yes.

CRYSTAL: ... and you go, what is going on here? COOPER: Yes.

CRYSTAL: What has happened here?

There are some FEMA trailers, but a few. It doesn't seem like that lot, from what I saw.

COOPER: You have to go -- you have to go to Arkansas, actually, I think, to get...

(CROSSTALK)

GOLDBERG: Yes, to see the rest of them, yes.

CRYSTAL: They're all just sitting here, yes. And...

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: And it's kind of shocking.

WILLIAMS: Who will sign for these? Mr. Cheney, will you sign for these trailers? Come on back now.

(CROSSTALK)

GOLDBERG: I mean, it's -- it's crazy, because the thing about it is, you know, you were all over there.

We were in Mississippi. And you -- it's -- you can't -- you can't explain it to anybody.

CRYSTAL: No. No.

GOLDBERG: You can't explain what you are seeing, you know? And I -- I think, when people make their way there, or they see it, and it -- it takes them aback.

CRYSTAL: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: It's so strange.

I mean, even every time I go back now, people come up to me on the street and say, please, don't forget about us.

CRYSTAL: Yes.

COOPER: And that's so sad, that people have to say that, you know?

CRYSTAL: Yes. I -- I -- well, I came over the drawbridge when you come in, and there's the Lower Ninth below you.

COOPER: Right.

CRYSTAL: And I kept thinking of this old "Twilight Zone" episode, where Burgess Meredith...

GOLDBERG: Yes.

CRYSTAL: ... gets locked in a bank vault, and a bomb goes off. And he comes out, and he is the only one alive.

GOLDBERG: Yes, time to read.

CRYSTAL: And -- yes -- and there's nobody there for miles and miles and miles...

GOLDBERG: Yes.

CRYSTAL: ... except you see these three steps that -- because everything is above ground there. So, you three -- you see three steps, which was to the entrance of the house. But that's all you see.

And there's all of these little thresholds. And, then, that is it. And it just -- you can't believe that this is our country and that this has happened, and continues to happen.

COOPER: So, why do -- I mean, Comic Relief started 20 years ago.

CRYSTAL: Yes.

COOPER: Did -- did you guys ever think you would still be doing this 20 years later?

GOLDBERG: In a funny way, we -- we hoped that we wouldn't be doing it for homelessness.

We always felt that, if there was something that we could raise money for, in the way that we were able to do, that we would always be there to try to get it done, you know?

And, so, when this came up, we -- we, actually, I think, individually, as we saw each other, said, gee, you know, what's -- is anybody talking about it? And it took a couple of years for everybody to go, oh, click. There's -- oh, yes. We can -- we can help with this.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: Is it hard, though, making light -- I mean, is it hard to make Katrina funny?

GOLDBERG: Well, you know what? It is not making Katrina funny. It is -- it is highlighting situations that we can play with.

WILLIAMS: Yes, there's nothing funny about the man from the Arabian Horse Association being the head of the relief association.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: That didn't work.

But, you know, even Mister Ed.

Wilbur...

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: ... I don't know what he's going to do now.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Good job, Brownie. Good job.

GOLDBERG: Who has to make the jokes when, you know, the -- the jokes appear before us?

"Brownie, you are doing a great job." Come on.

WILLIAMS: Mmm-hmm.

COOPER: Heck of a job.

GOLDBERG: Heck of a job.

WILLIAMS: Heck of a job, Brownie. Heck of a job. Way to go.

GOLDBERG: But there are...

COOPER: When you heard that, what did you think?

GOLDBERG: Well, you know what I thought?

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: You know what I -- and I got in trouble.

COOPER: No, I don't, really.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: You know, and it started earlier, when he lands, and the president says: I used to come here to party.

And there's -- there's...

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: There's 22 feet of water in some guy's house, going, oh, good for you. Can you bail us out?

COOPER: Yes.

CRYSTAL: And just the -- just the -- the whole attitude towards the problem was so bizarre to us, watching it. It just didn't make sense -- five days before he shows up.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: What was the most surprising thing when you got there this -- just when you went this last time?

CRYSTAL: That it was still like this.

COOPER: Yes.

CRYSTAL: That -- you know, and I'm walking the Lower Ninth with this man named Herbert Getrich (ph), who we do a piece with in the show.

He is the only one there. And he is building his own house all by himself. It's 15 months later, they just put up electric poles. They don't have the electric yet. They just put up the poles. And it is astounding to me that this has gone on for this long.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: ... Baghdad this time of year.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Yes.

COOPER: Is that right?

CRYSTAL: It's a little too close.

WILLIAMS: We have seen you come by our neighborhood many times.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: And now he (INAUDIBLE)

What?

CRYSTAL: Clear your throat.

WILLIAMS: OK.

GOLDBERG: Welcome to my world.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: Are they like this all the time?

GOLDBERG: All the time.

COOPER: Really?

GOLDBERG: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: (INAUDIBLE) Brownie? GOLDBERG: I am the Vanna White...

CRYSTAL: Clear your throat.

WILLIAMS: OK.

GOLDBERG: ... of the group.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: Oh, yes?

GOLDBERG: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: Are you talking about us?

GOLDBERG: No, never.

CRYSTAL: OK.

GOLDBERG: You know.

WILLIAMS: Does Saddam Hussein still look like Nick Nolte to you?

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Just...

WILLIAMS: I don't know how I got here.

CRYSTAL: Mug shot.

WILLIAMS: Sean said, get off the plane.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: I heard you call this tour that -- We Still Have Our Own Hips Tour? Is that...

(CROSSTALK)

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: For Comic Relief.

CRYSTAL: Yes.

COOPER: All right.

CRYSTAL: They were saying, 20 years later, you are a little this. You're a little that. I said, yes, We Still Have Our Own Hips Tour, that's what we're calling this.

(LAUGHTER) CRYSTAL: We're all OK. We can get through the metal detector at the airport without setting something...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Can't get no medication.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Medication.

WILLIAMS: It's always good for me to come to Vegas after rehab. I love that.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: This is a good town for you.

WILLIAMS: Good town for me. It's like going to Colombia.

You know, where are you going for detox?

Colombia.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Just to take it easy in a 24-hour alcohol town.

You get out of rehab, and, you know, like getting out of Jenny Craig and going, let's go work at the Haagen-Dazs factory.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: For me, I like being here. I don't know why I'm talking like this for this. But, you know, my mama grew up in New Orleans.

CRYSTAL: Did she?

WILLIAMS: For sure.

CRYSTAL: Mmm-hmm.

WILLIAMS: Mmm-hmm.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: But she did. That's right. She did.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

WILLIAMS: Yes. She actually did.

COOPER: Did she really?

CRYSTAL: Yes, she did. WILLIAMS: She was born in Pass Christian, which, for years and years and years, I thought was Louisiana.

And then some very sweet Southern woman said, sweetheart, that's Mississippi.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Your mother was trying to upscale herself.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Bless her heart, instead of -- they always say bless her heart, rather than, back that bitch up.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Well, we will be right back. Thank you.

How much money have we raised in the first 10 minutes here with Anderson?

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: God bless you.

That's also -- we have remember that Truman Capote lived in New Orleans for a long time.

CRYSTAL: Yes, he did.

WILLIAMS: Lived there with Tennessee Williams. They were just sharing an apartment.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Writing the early drafts of "A Streetcar Named Bill."

CRYSTAL: It was originally called that?

WILLIAMS: Yes, but that didn't sell.

CRYSTAL: It didn't?

WILLIAMS: No, Desire -- or Desiree, if you're truly French.

CRYSTAL: Mmm-hmm.

WILLIAMS: I love the fact they're just doing movies about me right now.

CRYSTAL: It's been two movies about you.

WILLIAMS: I hope -- and a musical.

CRYSTAL: What is the musical called? WILLIAMS: "Where the Boys Are."

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: God bless you. Let's get back to our topic.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Suddenly, I'm Bud Abbott.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Who's on first? Who went first?

CRYSTAL: And what is it called, Lou?

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: What is it called, Lou?

It is called, yes, all of me in "Streetcar Called Sodomy."

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: For once, you could have worn a drum.

COOPER: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Get out of -- thank you.

GOLDBERG: Where's my spear?

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: We're going to take a break. And we will be right back...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: We will be right back once again.

How much money have we raised?

(LAUGHTER)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WILLIAMS: We are doing Comic Relief in Vegas, reviving it, because people need it, especially in New Orleans and the surrounding parishes, because, sad to say, stuff still isn't working.

Hey, way to go, W.

But the idea... (LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Things are going well.

(singing): Well, I got my FEMA trailers, mmm, yes. Call me to FEMA. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. Ninth District, still don't have power. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. Etouffee. Mmm, mmm, hmm. Got to got down there, raise some money. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Throughout the area hit by the hurricane, we will do what it takes. We will stay as long as it takes to help citizens rebuild their communities and their lives. And all who question the future of the Crescent City need to know, there is no way to imagine America without New Orleans. And this great city will rise again.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Good, sincere reading. It was a good, sincere reading.

GOLDBERG: I thought it was a little iffy. I wouldn't have hired him.

COOPER: You -- you were in Biloxi when you saw that. You were in Mississippi when you saw that.

GOLDBERG: Yes. Yes. Yes.

COOPER: What did you think?

GOLDBERG: You can't go someplace where something this devastating has happened, and light it like a Hollywood set.

You can't go and not say, we are all -- we are going to do every -- we're stopping everything. This is America, for God's sakes. This is America.

We -- we were in the tsunami faster. People, they had all this stuff organized. We had everything organized to go overseas. We couldn't get anybody down there. Nobody went down. Nobody understood, because you know what the truth is? And I don't think you can use this, but I'm going to say it anyway. It was nigger -- nigger central. And...

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: Oh, you think -- you think that really had a...

GOLDBERG: I -- I do.

COOPER: ... was the reason?

GOLDBERG: Listen, all that property down there that those poor folks are sitting on, that's gazillion-dollar properties.

You get all those people away from there, and you fix the levees, so that you can build whatever you need to build down there, they can buy that property for 5 cents an acre to get rid of it.

COOPER: Do you think, if the people in the Convention Center had been predominantly white, the response would have been different?

GOLDBERG: I -- I hate to say, because I have never been this kind of person, but, yes, I do. I do.

This never would have happened in Florida this long. This would have never -- honey, if -- if Disneyland had got hit, do you think -- do you think the mouse would be down?

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: I got to get on a boat.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: I don't believe they're coming with a trailer.

GOLDBERG: You know? I mean, you know, and I -- I don't take away from...

WILLIAMS: It is time once again for the Katrina reenactment. Everybody, brace yourselves. Time to get crowded in a bus again.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: I don't take away from the folks that -- that have had trouble. I don't take away from them at all.

And I -- I don't want it to sound like I'm saying that. But this is -- this is years.

WILLIAMS (singing): It's a Third World, after all.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: You know, as it turns out.

WILLIAMS (singing): It's a Third World, after all.

GOLDBERG: What you going to do?

CRYSTAL: Well, I think what Whoopi said is -- is true. And what it also means is that he and I are going to get audited. (LAUGHTER)

COOPER: What about her?

(CROSSTALK)

GOLDBERG: Oh -- oh, are you kidding? I'm work -- remember, Anderson, I didn't work for three-and-a-half years.

COOPER: Really?

GOLDBERG: Uh-huh. Thank God for the radio show. You know what I mean?

COOPER: Really? You...

GOLDBERG: Mmm-hmm. We will talk about it after the show.

WILLIAMS: You made a joke, right, that one joke?

GOLDBERG: I supposedly made a joke.

WILLIAMS: Right.

GOLDBERG: And they said I made the joke, and wouldn't print it with any dots or anything.

WILLIAMS: They wanted you to open up for the Dixie Chicks for two years.

GOLDBERG: Oh, no, they didn't want me either.

WILLIAMS: I know.

GOLDBERG: The Dixie Chicks was like, oh, hell no.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: You know, when the Dixie Chicks...

COOPER: Even the Dixie Chicks?

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: ... throw you away, that's just not going to work.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: But, yes -- no, it's been an interesting country.

COOPER: Do -- and, yet, I mean, it's -- there were -- there was plenty of blame to go around...

WILLIAMS: Oh, yes.

COOPER: ... you know, Republicans and Democrats, local officials, state officials, federal officials.

When you were watching that at home, did it -- did it -- what -- what was it like watching it at home? And were there images that you guys remember most?

CRYSTAL: Well, first of all, just the -- the water and the rooftops for miles and miles and miles, and then the scenes outside the Superdome., that -- that poor woman in a wheelchair, just dead...

GOLDBERG: Yes.

CRYSTAL: ... and nobody around, and -- and nobody seemingly knowing what to do...

GOLDBERG: Yes.

CRYSTAL: ... and chaos, and people on the -- just on that bridge. You know, I have been on that bridge. That bridge is way up in the air.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

CRYSTAL: But there was water right underneath it.

And just nobody really knowing what to do. Now, this is a chaotic thing that happens to us. We weren't prepared. What else are we not going to be prepared for? That's what I kept thinking about, was, if this happens, and we sort of had a little bit of water. The storm was awful, but nobody was doing anything. Nobody was ready for anything. What are we not going to be ready for next? That's what I kept thinking.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: It's essentially a backwash situation, where you had the storm pass, but, then, when the levees broke, that was it. I mean, and the levees is, like you said, 15 years in the making, 10 years in the making, of Army Corps of Engineers always putting forth, you know, these need -- and they basically eroded from underneath, which is -- it was seepage from underneath. And, eventually, that just deteriorated.

COOPER: Did it surprise you that politicians didn't act more quickly?

WILLIAMS: I think they were caught like -- you know, like you said, blame is the operative word. There was a lot of blame vs. a lot of, you know, OK. Responsibility is another word. You know, take responsibility. Deal with it. Lose the people. Get in and wade into the problem.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: You just played the president in "Man of the Year." Would you ever want to be a politician? WILLIAMS: Never. Never, because of that idea of -- you know, the truly great politicians, as we have seen from our -- of our history, are people who deal with crisis immediately.

They're -- they're not caught off guard. They basically make a choice. Remember, Eisenhower wrote a great letter before D-Day, saying, if this fails -- which it almost did -- he would take total responsibility.

That is a great deal of courage. That is a man who said, OK.

And I just played a -- a wax figure of Teddy Roosevelt. In reading about him, who was put in by industrialists, basically, with McKinley. And they put -- they thought, they will put him in as vice president, and he won't do any harm. He will just be there. We will use him for his vote.

And he was actually a reformer. And the moment McKinley died, he started enacting incredible domestic policy, you know? And it's -- you need someone who can make a decision. And, in disasters, like you said, they were unprepared for it, but if -- anybody who has grown up in the South knows. It happens every year.

And now they're running through -- you know, by -- there have been so many hurricanes over the last few years, they're going through our alphabet, and now they're into the Hebrew alphabet. It's Hurricane Gimmel.

(CROSSTALK)

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Hurricane Shmel (ph). (INAUDIBLE) You know?

COOPER: Hurricane Shmel (ph)?

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Shmel (ph).

CRYSTAL: Shmel (ph).

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: What is it doing? It's blowing gently for a while.

CRYSTAL: Only Miami.

WILLIAMS: Only Miami. It only comes in and takes away certain things.

(CROSSTALK)

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Yes. GOLDBERG: Even if you're caught unprepared, you figure, OK, everybody -- everybody was living what happened down there.

WILLIAMS: They could have a black hurricane, too.

GOLDBERG: But, at -- at some point, everything stopped. And the water stopped coming in. And it stopped rising. And that's the point where, for me, it became inexcusable, because I understand, everybody was trying to get their stuff together. Everybody was trying to figure out what to do.

Everybody -- no one was prepared. OK. But, once we saw what needed to happen, that nothing, that nothing happened, I don't understand. I don't understand what it -- what does it take? What do you have to do to get -- you...

COOPER: Ninety-one-year-old Ethel Freeman was brought to the Convention Center by her son in a wheelchair.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

COOPER: She died there. She -- she...

CRYSTAL: Mmm-hmm.

COOPER: The tragedy of so many of these people who -- who died is that they survived the storm.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

COOPER: They didn't survive the recovery.

WILLIAMS: Right.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: They didn't survive the -- the aftermath of it.

We are going to take a quick break, but we will be right back. We will talk more about New Orleans. Then we will talk about Iraq a little bit, and a whole lot more.

Stay tuned.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CRYSTAL: And they kept hitting Bacchus in the head. And Bacchus was getting mad.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: Remember "Mighty Joe Young," when he's backstage, and the drunks come in and throw bottles at him?

GOLDBERG: One too many -- yes, one too many bottles.

CRYSTAL: Then, the -- and the monkey goes nutty?

Well, I was ready to go nutty.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: I'm in this silly outfit. And I don't like silly outfits. I'm getting hit in the head with cans. And I -- I just got off the -- the float. And I went, hey, Bacchus is getting pissed.

(LAUGHTER)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RAY NAGIN (D), MAYOR OF NEW ORLEANS: We, as black people, it's time. It's time for us to come together. It's time for us to rebuild a New Orleans, the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans. And I don't care what people are saying uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day.

(APPLAUSE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

COOPER: Mayor Ray Nagin.

Thoughts?

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Mmm-hmm.

GOLDBERG: It's...

COOPER: It's funny. He, for a long time...

WILLIAMS: Marion Barry, line two.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: I told him. Set me up!

COOPER: For the longest time, he wouldn't -- he wouldn't talk to me after the storm. And, finally -- and he -- finally, then, he would go through a period where he would agree to be on the show, and then cancel literally like five minutes before the show.

And, finally he -- he did this one too many times. And, so, his people said, well, he's canceling because he has an emergency meeting that he's got to go to. And, so, we said, OK. Well, if there's an emergency meeting, it must be important. We will follow him. So, we followed him with a satellite truck. And it turned out the emergency meeting was at, I think it was The Bourbon House Bar on Bourbon Street, where we set up the satellite truck, and -- and broadcast from...

GOLDBERG: Right. Right.

COOPER: ... occasionally checked in, just to see how the emergency was going.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: And it seemed to go just fine.

So, does -- does -- what -- what's special about New Orleans? I mean, what is it -- you -- you were down in the Mardi Gras parade, I think, back in '89...

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: ... was Bacchus.

COOPER: Bacchus, yes. That's an incredible experience.

CRYSTAL: It's wild.

WILLIAMS: Did you have to put on little furry legs, too?

CRYSTAL: No. You had to put this sort of Elvis kind of outfit, and come down a float, and women flash, and they throw coins at you.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: And they kept hitting Bacchus in the head. And Bacchus was getting mad.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: Remember "Mighty Joe Young," when he's backstage, and the drunks come in and throw bottles at him?

GOLDBERG: One too many -- yes, one too many bottles.

CRYSTAL: Then, the -- and the monkey goes nutty?

Well, I was ready to go nutty.

(LAUGHTER) CRYSTAL: I'm in this silly outfit. And I don't like silly outfits. I'm getting hit in the head with cans. And I -- I just got off the -- the float, and I went, hey, Bacchus is getting pissed.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Don't hit Bacchus in the head with...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Oh, come on. Bring it, Bacchus.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: For sure, Bacchus. Come on down. The whole crew be here.

CRYSTAL: Oh.

CRYSTAL: It's the most -- it is the most exciting city in the world, I think.

It is like Paris to me.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

CRYSTAL: You know, it -- it is. It's so -- the food, the smells, the people, the...

WILLIAMS: Music.

CRYSTAL: The music.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: The joy of the city.

And, then -- and, then, when you go there -- and, you know, I have -- I have a piece in the show where you just -- you don't -- all you hear is silence. You just hear the wind blowing through the -- the reeds in the Lower Ninth. And you just go, this -- what's wrong with this picture, you know?

It's like this great joyous spirit, and somebody went like this. And you can't hear a thing.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

CRYSTAL: And it's just -- I love New Orleans.

I mean, I -- you know, I was brought up in the music business. And my dad produced jazz concerts. And I was around these kind of players all the time, and those kind of people. And, so, to go down there and see the sad side of city, now, this just lonely place, where you hear -- occasionally hear a dog yapping, you know, in the background, it's just stun -- kind of stunning. COOPER: You -- Robin, you kind of -- you channel a blues musician from time to time.

WILLIAMS: Well, it's old Billy. We all remember. There was a song we wrote there called "My Cell Phone Won't Work," which is a recent one.

CRYSTAL: Yes.

WILLIAMS: We ought to have "That Rummy Blues," which is about Rumsfeld.

CRYSTAL: Rumsfeld.

WILLIAMS: And then I have "Red Beans and..."

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: "... Condoleezza Rice." I wrote that one song.

CRYSTAL: "Red Beans and Condoleezza Rice."

WILLIAMS: "Condoleezza Rice."

(CROSSTALK)

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS (singing): Now, red beans and Condoleezza Rice.

CRYSTAL: Right.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: Yes.

WILLIAMS (singing): Come on. That girl is short enough. She is so damn nice.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS (singing): (INAUDIBLE) She's so mellow. Oh, that girl, all that time sitting there with that chili.

CRYSTAL: Yes, I remember.

WILLIAMS (singing): Red beans and Condoleezza Rice.

CRYSTAL: Condoleezza Rice.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: That was a scary thing. I remember we were down there, just before Brownie came down.

CRYSTAL: Yes. Yes. WILLIAMS: That was a frightening thing.

CRYSTAL: Boy, he did a hell of a job.

WILLIAMS: Heck -- heck -- hell of a job, Brownie. Way to go. You know, this year, at the Mardi Gras, the floats float.

CRYSTAL: They actually float.

WILLIAMS: That's right. You come with a life preserver. Mae West comes with a big fat drag queen.

CRYSTAL: Mae West.

(CROSSTALK)

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: She is...

WILLIAMS: Mae West.

CRYSTAL: She is dead.

WILLIAMS: She is dead.

GOLDBERG: Didn't you used to be blind?

WILLIAMS: Road it down the Mississippi, came through.

Uh-huh.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: I was a -- well, they will never be able to use any of this. Never.

CRYSTAL: Never.

WILLIAMS: Never.

You know, they had gay marriages the whole time we were down there.

CRYSTAL: Gay marriage.

WILLIAMS: Gay marriages.

CRYSTAL: Whew.

WILLIAMS: Whew!

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Lord, big old drag queen, pretty drag queen.

CRYSTAL: No.

WILLIAMS: Mmm-hmm.

CRYSTAL: No.

WILLIAMS: Standing at the urinal next to a girl named Ted.

CRYSTAL: Where you going with this?

WILLIAMS: Not today.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Don't go there.

WILLIAMS: Don't go there.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: ... unless, of course, you are a representative in the House of Representatives.

CRYSTAL: Amen.

WILLIAMS: Amen.

I got some e-mail the other day, asked if I was a 17-year-old in a thong.

CRYSTAL: Really?

WILLIAMS: Uh-huh. Too late now.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Sorry about that.

CRYSTAL: That's all right.

WILLIAMS: We're back again.

CRYSTAL: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: Wow.

WILLIAMS: Yes. I...

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: Do you like Vegas?

(LAUGHTER) WILLIAMS: That was a great recovery.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: I'm not quite sure where to go.

(CROSSTALK)

GOLDBERG: Nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do.

Yes. I like Vegas.

COOPER: Uh-huh.

GOLDBERG: I do enjoy a good...

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: But it's fascinating. You don't -- I don't think a lot of people realize this. You don't fly.

GOLDBERG: No.

COOPER: So, you -- you live in New York.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

COOPER: And you took a bus to Vegas?

GOLDBERG: Yes, I did.

COOPER: God bless you.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: He does.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: That's why I can afford it.

COOPER: Why -- why? You're just afraid of flying?

GOLDBERG: I have hated flying for years and years and years and years.

Certain -- you know, if you believe in the great higher power, certain things say to you, don't do this anymore. It's not good for you. That higher power said to me, don't get on another plane. Don't do it, because I would cry. I would take, you know, fistfuls of Valium, drink all kinds of alcohol, and be wide awake playing Uno.

WILLIAMS: That was just at home.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

GOLDBERG: Before I got on the plane.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: ... getting on the plane. I know I'm flying.

(CROSSTALK)

GOLDBERG: One by one, people refused to fly with me, because it was just -- it's traumatic for them.

And, so, we tried a train car. And then, you know, it -- it was a eight-hour layover in Chicago. And, so, I couldn't make my run. And, then, I -- I got the -- the bus.

COOPER: You're not missing much.

On the flight today, literally, like, they were telling jokes on the P.A. system the entire...

GOLDBERG: Right.

COOPER: Like, everyone now thinks they're a comedian.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: It's the most annoying...

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: It was like one of those planes where they're like...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: ... but, seriously...

COOPER: No, seriously, like...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: ... just want to know, we have lost a little cabin pressure, but who doesn't at this age?

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Welcome to Viagra Airlines. We will be flying up.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Quick takeoff, and we are going to fly for a long, hard while. (CROSSTALK)

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: It was a great thing.

They also have impressionists now as the pilots, which is great, you know?

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: Oh, really?

WILLIAMS: Yes.

CRYSTAL: So, like, Jimmy Stewart can be a pilot?

WILLIAMS: Jimmy Stewart.

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: It might go something like this.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: ... like this.

(CROSSTALK)

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Let's just takeoff and -- and see what happens.

Well, I don't know if we're going to land.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: Reagan Airlines.

WILLIAMS: Reagan Airlines.

We take you -- where we going?

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: I didn't know where I was most of the time, but tear down that wall, Mr. Schwarzenegger.

CRYSTAL: No, no, Mr. Gorbachev.

WILLIAMS: Oh, too late now.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: I want you to know, I'm going to Vegas. I feel glad. I wish I could be there for Comic Relief to try and help out to send some money, what's left over from my campaign. Now that I won, Maria can eat.

COOPER: Do you think New Orleans maybe needs an Arnold Schwarzenegger?

WILLIAMS: Someone just to hold the water back literally?

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: I will take some, and I will hold -- I will fix the levees with my left nipple.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: I will go down there. I will be it. I will take some power -- my superpowers will allow me to hold back the -- no, that's Moses.

Part the water.

No.

They need just someone who will take responsibility, get down there, and just -- not -- just finish the sentence -- get down there, wade into it, deal with the problems. Can't say it. Get finish.

Get Ross Perot back.

There it is. Can't see it. Make the -- make the thing. Make the graph.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: I'm a Ferengi. Look at me.

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: A Ferengi?

GOLDBERG: A Ferengi.

COOPER: What is a Ferengi? I...

WILLIAMS: Ferengi was like a...

GOLDBERG: From "Star Trek."

WILLIAMS: A small "Star Trek" character.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

COOPER: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: That's all right, Anderson.

COOPER: I'm sorry.

WILLIAMS: You have been away for a while.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: You have been over in the Middle East, Al-Jazeera.

COOPER: I was more "Battlestar Galactica."

WILLIAMS: Oh. Yes. Oh.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Lorne Greene.

GOLDBERG: The new one is great. The new one is great.

But "Star Trek" really is the...

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: So, you really like Vegas, huh?

GOLDBERG: I do.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: I do.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: They have that new show, "Siegfried and Ted."

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: So, it is an Australian guy. (INAUDIBLE)

(CROSSTALK)

GOLDBERG: Excuse me.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: Oh, my God.

WILLIAMS: Thank you.

CRYSTAL: Easy.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Red beans already be working away.

CRYSTAL: Mmm-hmm.

WILLIAMS: Powered my own house. I got the new Ford Colon. (LAUGHTER)

GOLDBERG: Just jump in. Just jump in, man. There's...

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: It's a new energy source. Save money. This car runs off you.

COOPER: It's hard to follow the Ford Colon.

WILLIAMS: The Ford Colon is a rough one to follow.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: So, you like Vegas?

(LAUGHTER)

COOPER: I'm starting to sweat.

We're going to take a short break.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: Like Ryan Seacrest watching "Brokeback Mountain."

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Would you stop? Would you stop?

(LAUGHTER)

CRYSTAL: Would you stop?

WILLIAMS: Sorry. OK.

CRYSTAL: You're just so happy to be here.

WILLIAMS: I'm just so happy to be out of rehab, Billy.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIAMS: And a bottle of water. It's just water.

CRYSTAL: Easy. Easy.

WILLIAMS: Hey. Hey. Thank you, Mr. Rumsfeld.

CRYSTAL: Just breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe.

COOPER: We'll take a short break and we'll be right back. Yes, we'll talk about Iraq and a lot more about New Orleans.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WILLIAMS: You can fly in on C-130s and, you know, you get off the plane their going, stay with me sir. It's totally safe. Just walk on the path. Do not walk off the path, sir. Why? It's mined. I'm standing right next to you. It' OK, we have to talk like this at all times. Permission to laugh, ha, thank you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

COOPER: We're back at the Coliseum at Caesar's Palace with Robin Williams, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg, talking about Comic Relief 2006, among a lot of other things. You've been in the Middle East three times entertaining U.S. troops over there. What's that like?

WILLIAMS: Yes, Afghanistan three times, Iraq twice. It's great. You --

COOPER: You've been to Iraq twice?

WILLIAMS: Yes, I've played -- you know, it is the best audience in the world. They're heavily armed, so you have to be good. I remember once performing, I got up on stage, it's an entire audience that's in full flack, full flack vests and heavily armed and I'm going, I guess I didn't get that memo, and I look in the back three Australians sitting on a fuel tanker, smoking, going, go ahead Robin, don't be afraid.

It's pretty wild. You know, you fly in on C-130s and, you know, you get off the plane and they're going, stay with me, sir. It's totally safe. Just walk on the path. Do not walk off the path, sir. Why? It's mined. I'm standing right next to you. It's OK, we have to talk like this at all times. Permission to laugh, ha, thank you.

You know, you play all sorts of different bases. In Afghanistan -- some of them, you know, the further -- like the smaller bases are the way you get some pretty wild shows, like performing for the special forces guys, who are -- they look -- they're totally in country. They're dressed in full Jilaba (ph). The only thing that gives it away is a New York Yankees hat. A big fan of Mr. Jeter. But it's -- it's a great place to perform for me and I've meant a lot to go there.

And they always said, thanks for coming, you know, and I want to go back, but, you know, it is always tough. One guy wore a -- a pretty brave guy, a National Guard guy had a t-shirt that said three weekends a month my ass. Performing for the Joint Chiefs of Staff like you made your point. But for me, the show's always the best. And, you know, you perform for people who just say, thanks and it's wild. And they didn't sensor me, which was great, and you could make any joke -- you know --

COOPER: Do you get nervous. I just got back from --

WILLIAMS: What do you get nervous about?

COOPER: Do you get nervous travelling over there?

WILLIAMS: When you get shot at. No, I don't get nervous. No, the one time we were taking off from one base in Mosul, all of a sudden -- I'm sitting in the cockpit and all of a sudden it goes, missile launch. It's that voice recorder, that very quiet voice, missile launch. And the pilot goes, oh, it's just a flair. And it's always -- you get a little nervous flying in, but there's nothing to be -- I mean, on the ground it is a whole other story.

COOPER: I was just in Afghanistan and I brought back a Burka and I gave it to my mom. My mom's like 82 and I gave it to her over lunch and literally she went back home, put it on and walked out of her apartment to wander around the streets of New York in this full on Burka. A bright like electric blue with Burka, with literally like, you know, mesh in front of the face.

WILLIAMS: Full, the hockey player mesh.

COOPER: She was like it was fascinating.

WILLIAMS: It's interesting to see how many people look at you. Cab drivers, mother. (INAUDIBLE) It is amazing the full Burka, when you see that, and you realize -- and then you get to the more -- the slightly more liberal countries, it's not the full Jilaba. Like in Iran or other countries where they're wearing the Armani suits. If you got to Qatar, or any of the other wealthy countries, the moment they get in the elevator, make up, excuse can you hold on a moment. Full Armani and Prada under that.

So, it's like the other side of it. But it's -- for me it was amazing to go and to see these people. I mean, they're caught like literally between a rock and hard place and you want to go, hey, you are not forgotten, too. Especially now when it gets tougher and tougher and tougher and being caught in this place of -- how do you move around? You've been. You've been there a lot. I want to go back.

COOPER: What about these elections? Do they make a big difference?

WILLIAMS: It least it proves that W has to play with others now. You have to kind of notice that there is a referendum. And in England it's the vote of confidence, you know, where literally you could change, you know -- they would have -- they would go more for him, than for the entire Senate and House, but it has been, you know, I think a big -- the people have, at least, expressed a certain kind of, hey, something's not working well, which is, at least, a start. And it means cooperation, which is the same thing about New Orleans.

And you pointed out, it is not -- it is bipartisan now. It means everyone working together. Enough of blame, enough of the divisive and say we have problems. We must work together. You cannot separate us anymore, red state, blue state. It is us. We must work together and that is what this is about, comics just saying, OK, we're putting money towards a cause that should be addressed by many other sources, but still is there and needs help. And I think the same thing happens with the House, the Senate and the White House. That we now must work together to find solutions in many different areas and no more blame and just sit there and go, work on it, because we have a lot of stuff to deal with in a lot of lot of places, Iraq, here, all over the world.

You know, and it is important now to work together as quickly as possible and no more of this blaming and, you know, looking for -- with Clinton's administration it was nothing was too small to be investigated and with this administration, nothing was too big to be ignored. Now you can't. It's important to deal with it and deal with it together and to find some sort of solutions for these problems, rather than just say, well they didn't deal with it. They didn't deal with it. Meanwhile people are sitting in black mold, which is lethal.

COOPER: It's been -- you guys were talking about 20 years for Comic Relief. What have been some of the highs or some of the lows? Were there times you were just like, oh man, I --

WILLIAMS: There've been a lot more highs than lows, coming from the former. I think there have been a lot of great moments. Just -- the only sad thing that was near the end, I mean, before they -- it was just that the money was starting to get less and less and less, because I think, like Whoopi said, there was a kind of - they call it like a compassion burnout, where people kind of go, OK, all right, I thought we dealt with this. You know, and they're looking for another cause. It becomes like cause of the week. What is the disaster of the month? I remember doing a tsunami and African nations going we are starving too.

GOLDBERG: Yes, hello, Darfur. Hello, hello?

COOPER: That's the thing, people talk about Katrina fatigue and I always think that's, you know, the only people who have the right to have Katrina fatigue are the people who are living in New Orleans or living in the Mississippi Gulf Coast. You know, the rest of us don't really have a right to talk about being fatigued about hearing about this stuff.

GOLDBERG: Well, you know what happens though Anderson, people really do want to help. And I think what happens, and what's happened specifically in the last couple of years, is we have just been overwhelmed. People have just been overwhelmed, you know? You got folks who are losing jobs left and right. You have an economy that works here and sort of, in a weird way, a little bit down here, and nothing in the middle and people just -- people are falling apart.

People are just trying to hold it together to raise their families and I think people want to give. They want to pay attention, but when you're worried about whether your kids should be going to school today -- you know, when you were a kid, school shootings were not really something you really thought about. When I was a kid, you know, worst thing that happened was somebody brought some brass knuckles to school and you had a fight. You know, my grand kids, they go to school, and, you know, it is a gamut now. You know? You don't know what is going to happen.

So I think people just are at such a place. And then we can say, OK, here we need help. We need in Darfur. We need help here. We need help in, you know, New Orleans. We need help in -- and people just --

COOPER: But Americans are so incredibly generous, as you talked about.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: It's true. If you compare it to -- I mean, I did some like fund-raisers in Europe at very wealthy places and you realize they were going, what is this? Why must this be done. You know, it's Crazy. For who? Oh, five.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: Well we also, when we were like around the sixth, seventh year we sort of --

WILLIAMS: Except for Bono. God knows he does it.

CRYSTAL: Yes, but we got less and less corporate sponsors. It was very tough for us to get anybody to back or to make a significant donation, because the homeless were sort of -- this was not a really great charity in some people peoples' minds.

(CROSSTALK)

CRYSTAL: It's the annoying people on the street. You step over them. They Smell Bad. What are they? They're beggars. Get out of my way. I have to get to work and it was --

WILLIAMS: Recession by Calvin Klein. Repossession by Ralph Lauren. Sorry.

CRYSTAL: And they would say to us, we'll give you some amount of money, but you guys do a commercial for us, but a real commercial.

COOPER: Right.

CRYSTAL: It was like a soda company that wanted -- they actually said to us, you guys do a commercial and we'll say such and such soda is the official drink of the homeless.

COOPER: Of the homeless. No, are you kidding? Really?

CRYSTAL: Yes, so, you know, when I recycle cans, this is what -- it got to that. So you sort of get less and less and we were on HBO. So not everybody had that. We didn't have many hours, you know, on screen. We had three hours, four hours and so now, you know, to have this amount of time for a cause that I think hits people hard.

GOLDBERG: Yes.

CRYSTAL: You know, I didn't expect to get hit as hard as I did in my heart when I took a look at this place the first time.

GOLDBERG: Because on television it is only this big.

CRYSTAL: You have to go and see it.

GOLDBERG: You have to be there.

CRYSTAL: You have to see it.

COOPER: We're going to take a quick break and then talk about some of the things that you saw when you went down there. We'll be right back.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You talk about Katrina fatigue. People are very leery, like, well where's my money going? How is this -- I thought I gave money to Katrina. Didn't the government give all these billions of dollars? Why are we doing this with Comic Relief? As you know, if you go down there, nothing has been done.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CRYSTAL: And I just it's an enormous job that is almost -- I don't even know how you begin, but it feels like it's forgotten. It feels like -- well Herbert, would you say that? Would you feel --

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It looks like somebody, or whoever, forgot about New Orleans, especially New Orleans in the lower ninth ward.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

COOPER: Who was that?

CRYSTAL: That's Herbert Gettridge (ph). He's alone in the lower ninth.

COOPER: Living there?

CRYSTAL: Yes, rebuilding his house, a plaster by trade. He's lived in that house since the late '40s, raised his kids there. I think there were nine children. His wife is in Madison, Wisconsin. It's actually a very romantic story. He's building this house by himself. They talk on the phone every other day, and all she says is how's it coming? And he says, it will be ready soon and he's just hoping to get everybody back maybe by Christmas, so he can get his family back, to just have a big party.

And he's all alone. There's nobody around him. He cooks by butane. He has no electricity. He sleeps in this little house, on a bed that's just mostly newspapers. An he works every day to rebuild his house. It's one of the most amazing stories I have ever seen in my life. I mean, that's one person caring. If we had more people caring, and if we have -- like Herbert does about New Orleans, it would get off the ground and start to be rebuilt more. It is such a story of pride and courage and to me that's what -- that's what America is really about, is Herbert Gettridge.

COOPER: There's also -- I mean, I've been down there a couple, bunch of times and, I mean, there have been tens of thousands of volunteers, kids who took their spring break, instead of going to Cancun and, you know, doing a Girls Gone Wild video, and gone down there, just to help rehab houses.

WILLIAMS: Parish to parish, church to church, which was originally the thing that worked the best ,in terms of relief. It was parish to parish, literally food, clothing and also housing, if necessary, for people form church to church. Small parishes contacting other small parishes and they worked one to one.

CRYSTAL: Yes, he is getting some help from a church group, but basically it's all by himself.

WILLIAMS: And it was Quicker. They would go through -- there was no -- and actually, there were stories of people, like a lot of local relief organizations working, and then the FEMA people came in and cut them off, which is like, wait a minute, it's working. And they said, no, no, we'll take over and then they took over and didn't do anything.

CRYSTAL: I mean, if you were on the drawbridge going into that part of town, and you looked at the lower ninth, I don't know how many miles it is of nothing, you see one a little light and that would be him. And that's -- that's the only light that's on for miles and miles. Everybody else is gone and he doesn't know where everybody is. And I don't think they want people to come back.

GOLDBERG: No.

CRYSTAL: It's okay. It's in some way --

WILLIAMS: You can't blame people for not wanting to come back until they really are sure that the levies --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: But also is it safe? And they really want to know that, you know, that it has been -- that the levies will hold.

(CROSSTALK)

GOLDBERG: But if they started -- but if they at least made the effort. If they made -- you know, people would come back. They would come back. But they know that -- in that particular section, I'm convinced of it. They're hoping that -- I believe that they have left it to rot until it gets to be so bad that people will not come back. Because, you know, there's no reason -- if you have worked 60 years to buy your little plot of land, you pay all of your insurance, you pay everything, and suddenly everything you own is taken, there's no reason why you wouldn't be sitting on that plot of land, saying, OK, what are we doing? But there's no one. There's no, no -- COOPER: Well there's a lack of leadership. There's no plan.

(CROSSTALK)

COOPER: There's no central plan of -- no one is willing to stand up and say, you know what, this should be rebuilt, this shouldn't, this is the plan.

WILLIAMS: Plus, there's also that standard thing too, when they throw just money at a situation. People come in and use that and scam money. And then they sort of say, well look what happened, which happened after 9/11, too. There was people scamming like crazy. But it was like that happens and people go, well, what can we do?

COOPER: What do you want people to take away from Comic Relief this year, as we wrap it up?

WILLIAMS: Take away a lot of good comedy.

CRYSTAL: Yes, it will be a lot of laughs. A lot of great comedians are coming. The top people in the country coming and we'll be there. And hopefully that the country realizes that one, New Orleans is open for business. There's a lot of good things still happening there, but two, the problem is far from over. And that we can do in our little bit of three or four hours on TV, that we can entertain people and make people send some money in to help people come home.

WILLIAMS: It's an extraordinary city with an extraordinary history and a great, great -- it is a soulful place, literally. For me, it is part of my history, my family, my mother and very, very -- New Orleans, it's just got a lot -- and that whole district. And we say, what, from Katrina, Louisiana, Mississippi, all these places.

CRYSTAL: The whole Gulf Coast. I think in the last few years what we need from -- now is an enter strategy.

COOPER: An enter strategy?

CRYSTAL: Yes, I think someone has got to come in there and take over.

COOPER: I've just go to ask you very briefly, Robin, I know a lot of people have been, you know, were really concerned about you this summer when they heard you were going to rehab. How are you doing?

WILLIAMS: I'm good. I feel wonderful. Like I said, it's kind of wonderful to get out of rehab and come to Vegas. Like that's nice. Going -- they keep offering free drinks. No, I'm fine, thank you.

CRYSTAL: You thought you were just seeing a pyramid in the last couple of weeks.

WILLIAMS: It's a real pyramid.

CRYSTAL: It is actually here.

WILLIAMS: I didn't know.

CRYSTAL: It is an Eiffel Tower. There's a Brooklyn Bridge right across the street.

WILLIAMS: Yes, and it's so real.

CRYSTAL: It is. It's OK. You're home.

WILLIAMS: It's like Paris, with one nice Parisian. Come sit down, I will talk to you in English. I love you.

COOPER: I want to thank Robin and Billy and Whoopi.

WILLIAMS: Thanks Anderson, it's nice to be back.

COOPER: It's nice to be with you. Thanks for watching this special edition of 360. We'll see you later, bye bye.

GOLDBERG: Bye bye.

WILLIAMS: (INAUDIBLE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

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